The Trials of a College Reasarch Paper Writer Writing a College Research Paper.

Where to begin? This paper is the first research paper in what I assume to be a very long line of them, and may very well be the worst one. I feel it is important to make sure that I pay close attention to the process of writing this paper. Make sure the format is followed. The contents are somewhat secondary to the nuts-and-bolts workings of the paper. Is the MLA format correct? Are the sources cited properly? Did I remember to put my name on the damned thing?

What I'm finding difficult at this time is not so much the process of writing it, but the time and circumstantial nature of the way I do my homework and assignments. I do all my schoolwork at work. At my job. My computer at home sucks, so I can't rely on it for more than being a glorified Juke box (and even with that, the poor thing has problems), I don't have a lot of down-time, as I actually work two jobs and am attending school. The computers at work are reliable and acceptable enough, but sometimes I have problems accessing the JSR Library sites. I don't know why, but it's frustrating. Also there's the little detail of me being at work. A lot of the time I am free to do my school work, the nature of my job gives me a fair amount of free time, but when things go wrong (which is my job to detect and remedy) there is scant time for sitting down and writing four pages of a paper, or drafting a project, or studying for a test. This is an "occupational hazard" for my school life I suppose, and it doesn't always work out for the best, but countless people have done far more with far less than me. I try to keep it in perspective: at least I don't have any kids to feed and bathe and get to school or whatnot.

Researching the topic of my paper is a daunting task. there is a massive amount of information about stem cell research out there, and a lot of that information is of the educated school, luckily though, a lot of the information is written in layman's terms due to it being such a hot-button topic. The hard part is sifting through it all. Many times the dumbed down articles are a little too primitive. Piecing the right equations from these disparate ends of the spectrum into a coherent paper, without plagiarizing will be a challenge. Sometimes things are explained just right in a way that it really takes any other form of explanation and nullifies it. Formulating my own structure of breaking it all down will be tricky. I look forward to it however. It's part of the challenge that I like. I enjoy verbal acrobatics, but with a paper of this size, keeping it fresh will be difficult.

The 'bank' needs a bailout.

In his essay "The 'Banking' Concept of Education," Paulo Freire posits that "Education is suffering from Narration sickness." I use this final sentence in his thesis paragraph because I believe this simple statement gets to the core of what he is trying to explain. Further in his words, he states "The contents,..." of teacher narration, "...whether values or empirical dimensions of reality, tend in the process of being narrated to become lifeless and petrified." What I believe this means is that the act of teaching, as a tool to educate minds, has become less a form of an actual process to develop the mind, as it has devolved into a mere regurgitation of facts. Furthermore, I believe Freire has a disdain for current teaching techniques that he sees as a machiavellian, contrived and soulless act that put's the balance of the teacher/student relationship into a corrupted dependancy of the phillistinain ignorant student upon the enlightened and noble grace of the teacher and their knowledge.
To desect this concept, these two sentences must be analyzed. To paraphrase: teaching a carriculum, the substance being either standards of living or literal boundries of ideas, have become nothing more than the repetition of facts, and mere memorization, rather than a true devotion to the process of education. Mental cultivation is being detrimentally effected by a loss of true instruction to a simple oration of facts.

Daily Life And It's Crushing Detriments To Attaining An Education, or How I Get By.

I suppose living my post-high school life the way I have for the last 18 years has conditioned me, like a slobbering Pavlovian dog, to mentally shut down and immediately revert to a neanderthalian, almost instinctual aversion to "school" as an instutition that gleefully and greedily accepts my scant, hard-earned money in order to grant me the privilege of being part of a "society" that I never really could fit into as far as the basic carriculum requires. It's a defense mechanism, I admit, and a stance that I am now ready to discard. I've come to realize that these were the basic fears of someone that simply didn't want to try. In the past, I always had convenient excuses to not try in school. I am dyslexic, was diagnosed with ADHD and was considered "smart but unmotivated" by the doctors-that-be, so my school career was never a stellar venture. I still find myself falling into this mind-set at times, as a confortable place to reside: I go to work, make my meals, and have my fun with friends, and never have to deal with a deadline that may cost me my precious dollars. I try to not equate my education to money- I really don't want to be hung up on that. It's yet another excuse. I want to commit myself to the fact that I need and WANT an education that will lead me to a career that I can believe in. That I can stand behind, and that will make me happy (the least of which, make me money- as the path I've chosen to persue is in elementary education, which frankly, is not the glamorous playboy career one would think it would be.) My point being, I don't think that I have any daily life issues to keep me from attaining my education (the assigned topic of this blog entry.) All the excuses are within myself. It all has to do with my motivation and my willingness to put aside my long held notions of why I shouldn't go to school, and why I should get off my ass and grow the fuck up. Sometimes this is a hard realization to deal with. When I take a step back, and really look at my reasons for putting things off, or my lack of reasons for doing the things I know I need to be doing, it's hard to make excuses, but somehow, someway I still manage to make those flimsy reasons hold water. It's not something I'm proud of. I'm making the effort to change this, but it IS an easy ditch to fall into. Like stepping into a puddle with sandals on, I don't want to get my feet wet, yet I know that that is the only outcome that will happen if I don't take the precautions of stepping over the puddle. But it's so much easier to just go about my usual routine. This I am going to change. I need to change. I want to change. I will change.

Library database and it's functionality (or lack thereof)

I was really impressed, but probably not for the reason I should be. When the substitute teacher took us to the J. Sarge library's research database, it was like a vast compendium of materials to help one research just about any topic one cared to peruse. Being the type that enjoys the past (I've been accused of living there) I thought it was very interesting that there were articles from the early 20th century. I love to read how language was slightly different and to see some words that just aren't used anymore, or had different meanings altogether. I realize I'm getting away from the assignment here, but I couldn't help but just look at old articles on topics that are "hot-button" topics today. Of course, you're not going to see much about abortion before the 60's, and something like stem-cell research isn't even going to be a topic until the 90's, but it was still delightful to skim articles and see how attitudes have changed (and not changed for that matter.) OK, so while I briefly actually did some research on my topic, which at the time was still just an idea for a topic, I found the fertility of the database to be rich, if not especially intuitive functionally. Basically I'm glad the sub was there to show us how to use it, otherwise I would've been lost. I hope I can remember how to get everything I need from it.

Diagnostic assignment.

I Don't consider myself a writer. This is ironic because I have a particular love for vocabulary. I love discovering new words (etymology- not so much) and pride myself on proper grammar, (my spelling, on the other hand, leaves much to yearn for), but displaying myself through words on a page has never been my forte'.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy reading other people's prose and even some unconventional poetry (Richard Brautigan, Henry Rollins), and I've done plenty of meaningless "writing" such as album and movie reviews for various public websites (IMDb, iTunes, Discogs.com) but none of my writing has ever been graded for a class! I'm proud of what I've written for those reviews, which are serious, but always with what I consider to be a humurous edge, however it's always been for my own enjoyment, usually coming to me at a late night in front of the computer, with a little beer in my belly, and I've only written about things I've been inspired to write about. In other words, all of my writting has been of my own accord, not assigned, and certainly not with a deadline. I actually have done some home editing; my ex-wife finished VCU a couple years ago, and I was the de facto editor in chief, making plenty, and ofted times, wide ranging "revisions" of her papers, so I guess you could say I have been graded, but obviously the pressure wasn't on my shoulders.

A little history: I am 35 years old, and have never gone to college. The last time I took a class was in 1993, and I've not missed being in school. As of late however, I realize that I need a sense of accomplishment. I need a goal. Even as a child, I never had a real life-goal that I felt strongly about. But that has changed. I have discovered that what I want to be "when I grow up" is an elementary school teacher. To teach young children. To be a positive influence in a child's life. This I believe in, and I can see myself doing in reality. This is my goal. To this end, here I am, at JSRCC, in my first semester in almost 20 years, taking a writing class. It won't be easy, but I'm looking foreward to it. I really am, and it surprises me that I really am. My view on school has always been negative. Not as an institution, but as an activity for myself. I never did well in my school career, being much more interested in socializing than focusing, but things are different now; life is divided into two parts: the first half, and the second half. I've done my socializing, lived my transient days, and now it's time to grind. I hope I can learn to visualize my point when I write, be succinct, yet crisp enough as not to bore, and learn restraint, as I feel like I have a tendancy to ramble (case in point).
So here I am. This diagnostic is for the purpose of gauging my level of writing, and I hope I have achieved this, though obviously this ins't within the 600 word request, it's what I can do for now. The entire point is to improve upon this, right?

First attempt

I always considered blogs to be a bit self indulgent, and rather narcissistic. I know there are humorous blogs that I've actually browsed briefly (for a laugh), like Thisiswhyyourefat or Regretsy, but most seemed like just simple rantings about whatever some Star Wars nerd didn't like about the latest Ewoks cartoon, or the tormented weepings of misunderstood adolescent emo boys and girls. I hope I'm just being cranky. I have friends that have blogged, and whenever they tell me to "read my blog" I politely assure them I'll check it out, but I never do. Maybe I'll be proven wrong by starting my own blog. Granted, it's due to being given an assignment to start it, but hey, it could be fun! Anyway, if anybody is still reading this, then I humbly appologize for being so selfish and making you read this much of my blather.